I wonder if the news channel camera person knew from the very beginning that he or she was capturing pure gold? The standard for small local news stations has indeed hit rock bottom. This story was taped, edited, approved, then aired. You mean to tell me the whole way throughout this process no one said… this may not be professional new reporting? Hahaha I’m not going to complain too much because, I have watched both videos sooooo many times… and I hurt from laughing so hard.
Click here to view the embedded video.The spinoffs may be more interesting and funny than the original.
Click here to view the embedded video.Nice work!
So, in conclusion, Antoine’s sister getting almost raped may have been the best thing that has happened to him thus far. I guess thanks? to Antoine and that shitty Alabama news station for making a video about rape absolutely hilarious.
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]]>Allow me if you will, to introduce most of you to Draven of BurningAngel.com
Now you have some idea what we’re dealing with. I’ve been working on this post for well over 2 hours, and in that time I’ve been through all her photosets and watch every minute of all of her movies, and it’s left me with one hell of a stiffy. I would break to jerkoff, but with the number of photos that “got to me” in this fucking post, I’d have blisters and you’d be reading this around Christmas time. So, for all you horny fucks out here, and Draven’s career, I thought I’d keep my fucking pants on and boy are my nuts sore. So, aside from this stunning photo above, what’s so EPIC about Draven? For starters..
her face.
It’s like the Ramones gangbanged Angelina Jolie, and out popped this Alt cutie that has my dick all tied in knots. Porn is littered with hot bodies and Butterfaces. Draven is not in that situation at all, in fact, with a face as adorable as that one, I’d find it hard to cum almost anywhere else.
her pussy.
I mean jesus christ. Children in third world countries would be honored to eat off something so clean. That pussy is flawless. Perfect little camel toe, with just enough clit hood to let you know exactly where to focus your attention. Actually, fuck paying attention, if you don’t take care of her needy clit, expect her to lend a helping hand in a hurry. This girl REQUIRES some clit stimulation, so if you find yourself finger fucking this girl in the back of a cab on your way home from the show, don’t forget to give the girl what she wants. Which brings us to…
her ass.
FACE PLANT! I mean, would there be any other logical reaction this girl’s ass gracing you with its presence in real 3d life? I submit that there is not, sir! I mean, she’s not got as much junk in the trunk as Alexis Texas, nor the perfect supple bubble of Jenna Haze, but I think she’d look very nice underneath Jenna Haze in a Pussy Pyramid with tiny jewish Joanna Angel at it’s base. Now that’s an all you can eat buffet. But I digress. So, obviously the Ass gets an A, or A- at worst.
Furthermore
She seems to be progressing. The unfortunate reality of loving a porn girl early on, is that too many of them change course and go get jobs as nurses, or whatever. Not that I don’t like a good nurse, but there’s something special about knowing that the porn industry has captured a girl’s heart, and we’ll see more and more of her as the days go by. And folks, it looks like Draven is here to stay:
- Draven : I LOVE MICE WITH RUSSIAN ACCENT!
- Jenna Haze : @draven and I LOVE u draven!
- Draven : @jenxstudios I love you too, sugar. I miss you!!
- Jenna Haze : @draven we never went to dinner!!:-(
- Draven: @jenxstudios I know. :’( the next time were close, its fuckin DATE NIGHT. <3
- Jenna Haze : @draven well poop! How am I gonna make Cum Spoiled Punxxx surrounding u if u just had this movie with Jo come out!?!?
- Draven : @jenxstudios its a comp, and I don’t think avn looks at comps.. .
- Draven : @jenxstudios ill still give it to you.
ive got all sorts of new tattoos that should be cum spoiled. - Draven : @JoannaAngel @jenxstudios all 3 of us. Lets make it epic. <3
Yes, I think this:
Would make mouths real happy.
self-described.
We asked Draven about her background to fill you boys and girls in a little before our full blown interview, and here’s what she had to say about her start:
Well, I was born in pittsfield, ma and moved to Baltimore when I was about 9. I’d always wanted to be a model and started when I was 16. When I was 19, I joined burning angel and was only a photo girl for 2 years before making the jump to being in movies. I guess the members had been asking for video content of me!
I love being part of the BA family, and even have a BA tattoo. Joanna is amazing and through her and the company Ive met some of the raddest people ever, and some of my best friends. Honestly, I’m a pretty sexual person and I love being filmed. I feel like I can totally let go, and I do. Ive never faked an orgasm in a scene and you can tell because of the silly faces I make, and my entire body shakes.
Ill be getting a new laptop soon and will be able to Skype after I do. If you’d like a phone interview, I’m cool with that, too.
And thank you for all the nice things you’ve been saying about me!!!
Well, Draven I’ve got plenty of nice things to say about you, and I live on the east coast, so feel free to attention whore anytime, I’d love to look your way for a while.
highlights.
Draven sweetheart, you’ve made it really easy for me to do this. It was an absolute pleasure watching you have sex, and looking through great photos of you naked. I hope you’re happy with our homage to your amazing body, and please god visit us someday for a shoot .
Gentlemen, start your engines.
An ass to die for, I wanna take that right where she stands.
This is definately where I would take her in this set. All bent down, ass served up on high. I can only dream about what that must look like from the backside.
Next she gets all 50’s Pin-up girl on us, and I like it.
Look at the light play off of her ass, it catches my eye every time.
I love a girl who’s not afraid to get on the floor for me.
Now, this is my favorite set. She has a blend of innocence, rocker, and slut that just melts my heart and my balls.
I asked to see what that looked like from behind, and I was granted my wish. I was right, it IS paradise.
Yep, fellas, she takes dick too.
That’s a girl that loves her job.
She doesn’t mind sharing either.
After all she gets her “fill.”
A generous lover, Draven points out to Joanna that it’s her turn, and James might enjoy the switcheroo.
She totally acts like she’s going to lick up that “jizz” but she changes her mind.
And thinks to herself, what’s in “fake jizz” anyhow?
REDRUM! REDRUM!!
Really, the Redrum doesn’t seem so bad
Hey there cutie, what cha lookin at?
Why don’t you play with my vagina!
Interuptions are always better when they aren’t wearing pants.
This is like one of those vacation photos, every time I look at it, I just wish I was there.
Face sitting right on this lucky dude, which in a minute gives him the power to..
Give us a Draven cumshot!
And we’ll try to finish strong with two really great photos to devestate you. Thanks babe, my dick enjoyed.
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]]>So to keep in the tradition of the free porn theme have a look at Lisa Ann. One of my faves and still going strong. Brazzers delivers yet again a smoking hot scene from Big Butts Like It Big.
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]]> The day started off with Destiny Dixon and Natalie Nice going down to the pool table and racking up some balls for a fun game of 8 ball. Well after awhile of playing pool they both decided to make the game a little bit more interesting. What could make a game of pool with two scantily clad hotties any better? How bout a game of strip pool. What makes it even better is that Destiny Dixon and Natalie Nice are not really good at pool so once the game started the clothes came off and the pussies got wet.
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]]>*Pop* There goes another Bubblewrap bubble. Incase you live in some shithole and don’t know what bubblewrap is, here you go:
Used to ship stuff and it’s supposed to protect the item, but let’s face it, it’s there because guys and yes, even girls, like to pop the little bubbles. So, someone sent me some crap in the mail today and it had bubblewrap. Of course I squeezed it, got it popping, and was like, ahhh bubblewrap.
However, Bubblewrap has changed my sexual practices with women that have fake boobs. I’ll admit, I’ve squeezed real breasts nice and hard during sex. There’s a few women that probably still have my fingerprints on their cleavage. I got big hands and I enjoy the squeezing as you’ve seen in some of my previous posts.
Today though I realized as I was popping some bubblewrap that I don’t squeeze fake breasts as hard as I squeeze real ones. That’s not to say that I’m not palming them like a basketball, but that all out full contact squeezing just doesn’t happen and it’s all because of popping bubblewrap.
What the hell would happen if I squeezed so hard, the damn thing popped, that’s right, just like bubblewrap. So tonight I’m here to find the answer, the truth, can you pop a breast implant if you squeeze them too hard. Here’s the link that I came up with: http://www.realself.com/question/hard-squeeze-silicone-gel-implants-causing-rupture
Okay some woman has a husband that’s like me only he doesn’t have the bubblewrap fear. Basically all the doctors are like don’t worry too much, they’re really hard to break, but they’re not lifetime devices, blah blah blah, but two things in the article. First the first doctor says this to the woman:
“By Peter A. Aldea, MD – Memphis Plastic Surgeon
First, few people really enjoy having their appendages squeezed repeatedly much less forcefully. This is true for augmented and non-augmented breasts. You can readily relieve your “paranoia” by informing that compulsive “Mr. Whipple” squeezing husband of yours to stop it or parts of his anatomy will have to reciprocally pass repeated squeeze tests as well. You get to pick those parts.
Second, silicone implants are hard to break BUT they are not impossible to rupture. Repeated compressions and releases eventually weaken the shell to the point where it leaks. As a result implants can last anywhere from a year to over 20 years but eventually they will fail, leak and require exchanging.*
Okay, first off, you’re a fucking idiot. You probably drive around in a Mercedes Benz all built on these fake boobs. So if you’re going to make the sex doll for us, don’t tell us not to play with it vigoreously. Have you ever seen male children play with toys? That’s right, so, if you build it, build it like a tonka fucking truck, something that won’t break under our streneous play.
Second off, the rest of the doctors were cool, said it most likely wouldn’t happen, and it’s more general wear and tear that causes these things to leak. So, I probably still won’t be as vigorous with fake boobs but I don’t think they’re bubblewrap easy breakable.
Now, Let’s see some titties to make us all feel better…some are real, some are fake, and all are enjoyable!
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]]>Day 1 started with my internet service being up and down off. Now you’d think that I’d be like, “fuck it, I’ll do something else” but nope, every 30 fucking minutes it would disconnect, I’d wait for it to come back on, and then go through the annoyance of being disconnected again. This is the first sign of addiction, especially since it went on for 3 fucking days like that.
Around Day 4, it was down for 3 hours each day, but then would come back online. I started to feel like this was a 12 step program to slowly ween me off the internet. You know, start with 30 minutes, then a few hours, and then….The net totally went out.
I’ll admit, I make my money online, friends, my downtime is online, and I use the internet to look every piece of worthless shit up. That’s right, I watch a movie, and I go…”Let me visit IMBD to get a bio on this actor” because it’s not just good enough anymore for me to watch the damn movie, I need to know more….MOAR….and that my friend is the red pill that we all end up taking eventually.
The internet starts as some productive wonder tool and ends up with you watching 2 hours of Japanese prank shows because youtube keyworded and linked all the damn videos and like potato chips you couldn’t just eat one. You go to break.com and suddenly you watch a few hours of dumbasses that don’t know how to fight beat each other up. Suddenly that productive tool as becoming this mind numbing nothingness that we can’t live without.
A friend of mine is going on a cruise. A nice fucking cruise to the caribbean and what’s the first word they say to me, “This is going to suck, I won’t have the internet” and I was just like, “Really? Dude, it’s a fucking cruise, come on now”
So what’s the blessing of technology and the internet? I’m going to have to say two things: Porn and Digital Cameras. Really they’re one thing, but let’s face it, everyone is making porn nowadays. It might not end up on the internet but if you can’t talk your woman into getting naked infront of a camera…you’re just not a man.
Benchmarks in manhood have changed. When I was going to highschool, it was good enough to say, “Yeah, I touched her boobs” and people would just believe it or call you out as a liar. Most of the times, they’d believe it, unless you touched the boobs of some girl in “Canada” that’s right, and your friends will never meet this girl from “Canada” to verify this fact.
No, the benchmark of man now has become, “Yeah I touched her titties, and I got a flip video to prove it, BOOOYAH”…wait, I’m losing the thread of this blog post.
What’s the point of it? Technology is a mixed blessing. Eventually with my net down for so long I started doing other things that I enjoy and it was kind of an eye opening experience and I don’t necessarily want to get that hooked on the net anymore. However, technology is great, it has exploded our perverted little world and every female is now a pornstar. Doubt it? Look at any woman on your block under the age of like, 50, and I bet you somewhere there’s some amateur porn shot of her.
Now to keep this post kosher as a porn post, I’m just going to the Pichunter Society and pulling some pictures of amateurs that would have never been seen if technology didn’t bring out their little pervert side:
This fine amateur goes by the name sexylisa, and all I can say is fuck yeah. You realize that she’s probably dressed all conservative 99% of the day and then there’s that moment when she’s like with her boyfriend and going, “Hey, lets see what guys on the internet say about this”….Now sexylisa, I’ll say this much, I watch a ton of porn, and this picture totally drive me nuts. You are one of the reasons technology is wonderful.
burnel, okay, it’s a weird screenname, but if she keeps posting pics like this my dick is going to break off because I can’t stop masturbating to amateur porn and she’s got one of the finest bodies I’ve seen. Yes, that’s right, you make techology great burnel, thank you.
And it’s all shapes and sizes and this was posted by her husband. You sir, are a man, that’s right because you’ve accomplished that simple goal of getting your woman to do some homemade porn. Yeah tat’s right she’s not a pencil, she’s not a typical porn model, but you know she’s probably an absolutely great fuck. I’m not kidding dude, if you’re into the sharing your wife thing fucking let me know. God, I love technology.
Wait, here’s three photos coming your way of someone that just knows what a man likes, her screenname is sexxytexxy
That’s right, she’s taking most of these photos on her own, you can tell, and how sexy is that? She didn’t even need some boyfriend to convince her that her naked body should be posted on the net and guess what, she knows exactly what Mr. Blue likes. I swear I need to get Tarpy to set up a travel fund for me where I can fly in hot women from Pichunter Society to my love nest on Long Island.
The next photo shows a pervert that must have gone to art school:
So much to say here, a perfect body and oddly enough the guy made it look almost surreal perfect, this is like how a hot woman would look after you drank a bottle of everclear and was heading towards the white light. Bonus points for the dude that went artistic with a perfect looking girlfriend. Double bonus points for being an artsy dude that isn’t gay!
Check this out….
Even dudes that have fucked up looking couches can get a hot woman sitting naked on it and posing for pictures. Seriously, that couch looks like something that’s in your grandmother’s basement and hasn’t done nothing since the 70’s. Now, even dudes that are placed in this situation can get their hot girlfriends naked and doing amateur porn. What the fuck is your excuse for not doing it? Fucking guy has a granny couch and he’s still doing it and look at that girlfriend, UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE hot. Dude, come on, this is me calling all you lame motherfuckers out. Get your girlfriends to do webcam shows, porn shoots, start them slowly if you can’t get her spread eagle on a granny couch.
What to do with these pictures? I gave you the idea, you fuckers better be hooking the Blue up with some fine new amateur porn. Now get out of here bitches and do the homework assignment I gave to you.
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]]>So, Tarpy, as he’s doing shots, mentions how I’m one of the most powerful people in porn. I’m thinking as he’s talking, “that must be some good shit he’s drinking if he actually believes that.” So, tonight I’m drowning my sorrows in some Ouzo, I’m half greek, half irish, basically means I was born to drink Ouzo and Guinness and actually like the taste of both. Try not to mix the two, because that’s kind of nasty but once you get a good buzz on you can drink floor cleaner and it’ll taste good.
Now that my mind is totally lubricated and in that same place Tarpy was when he muttered those words, I’m actually believing this shit, but what good is power if I’m not going to abuse it? Right? I mean let’s face it, power is great an all, but abusing power is way better.
I’m thinking I can get some pornstar fucking out of this. Heaven knows, I deserve some pornstar fucking, and I mean not just a little pornstar fucking, I mean a lot. Not only pornstars though, I want strippers, escorts, and free booze, I want to abuse the power that the Tarpy has given me for my own personal pleasures.
Here’s the catch though, the only time I’m really powerful in porn…is when the topic is brought up when the mind is so pickled with alcohol that it all makes sense. So, here’s the problem, I need all you pornstars to get fucking drunk, then contact me, because you will believe…I’m one of the most powerful men in porn….say it with me, take the red pill, not the blue one.
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]]>
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]]>Cracking open my email there’s a few random ones from Tarpy. Last one was pointing to a CNN article called Love, Sex and the male brain. Tarpy inserted this bit of wisdom, “There’s a post in there somewhere”…yes Tarpy, there’s a post in there somewhere. I didn’t want to break the news to him that he could have sent me a circular for a grocery store and technically there could be a post in there somewhere as well.
Humoring the boss man I go to the link to the story and decide to check it out and see what it’s about. Let’s see if there really is a post in there somewhere…
I get to the page and notice that it’s a woman writing about the male brain. I’m pretty sure the male brain only gets discussed by women. Men don’t discuss their brains, we know how they work, we don’t have to analyze it, and this article immediately comes to the simple point of another woman trying to discuss the male brain.
Well, here’s how my male brain works, surprisingly, it totally agrees with what Dr. Louann Brizendin has to say on the topic. However, I’m pretty sure she’s not going to expect the next part of this post, because, yes Tarpy, there is a post in that article.
Louann Brizendin is hot! I mean she’s kind of like Faye Reagan’s older sister minus the enormous amount of freckles. Now she claims to know the male brain, then why would she include a picture of her hotness in the article? That’s right…I started reading the article and kept going back to the picture wondering what the rest of her looks like and if she talks a lot during sex.
A smart woman, and yes, Louann Brizendin seems like a smart woman, they tend to talk a little too much during sex and over analyzing things. I mean, if I’m taking her doggie style will she be like, “Yes, the cavemen preferred this position because they could still see the surroundings and impending danger.”
I know you lazy asses that read this blog won’t click on the link to the CNN article, let alone actually read the big words this egghead hot chick has to say on the topic, but let me tell you. Go to the article and check her out, she’s hot, and I think I got the whole “Man Trance” she was talking about. Irony though, I’m “Man Trancing” on your picture Louann, I bet you didn’t expect that to happen or maybe you did. Who knows, who cares, but it happened, and now I want to see more of Louann Brizendin.
If you’re reading this article Louann, and it might happen, because we all ego-surf the net and your name will popup related to this site, and you might just click the link. If you do happen to read this, you’re hot and I want to see you naked, and if you ever want to write sex articles for this blog, by god, let me know and I’ll make it happen.
As for Tarpy…he’s probably wondering right now what happened to his good idea for an article and what exactly the hell I was drinking with the coffee to come up with this rant. Come on, she’s hot though, tell me I’m wrong about the Faye Reagan Comparison.
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]]>I came to this discovering watching the movie Burn After Reading. The movie itself tries to be strange funny, which kind of fails, but there’s two things in it worth watching. John Malkovich saying fuck and Brad Pitt getting shot in the face.
Back to John Malkovich though…I’ve decided that somehow in the future…I’m going to be friends with John Malkovich, Steve Buscemi, Christopher Walken, and I’m going to take them out to dinner one night. Stop for a moment and think about this. John Malkovich, Steve Buscemi, Christopher Walken, and myself. I could have included a few other creepy guys but to me this is the holy trinity of creepy. Why all three? You have to have all three there to create that scenario that would make for a great fucking story the next day.
You start doing shots with this group and suddenly you have this beginning to a story. “I was having dinner with Malkovich, Buscemi, and Walken, we got a little drunk, and…” at this point the average human would be kind of alarmed having those three in the same room together, but add liquor, and this suddenly becomes the story of legend, if you managed to survive it.
Where am I going with this post? No where other than the fact I wanted to post this clip of John Malkovich saying fuck. I couldn’t find a Christopher Walken clip of him saying Oompa Loompa which might in fact be funnier than John Malkovich saying fuck, but you’ll just have to live with the second funniest thing going.
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]]>Then I started on the driveway and I kept thinking about this, then it dawned on me, I couldn’t think of 1 zombie movie that was set in the snow. WTF???? You’ve gotta be kidding me, no one set a zombie flick in the snow? This is amazing, kind of weird, but completely true.
Now, I’m a Zombie flick fanatic, and there’s always the chance that I’ve missed one Zombie picture set in the snow, but off the top of my head, I can’t remember one. So the question becomes why hasn’t there been one? Answer, Zombies can’t walk right.
That’s right, how are you going to have a busty chick running away from a Zombie when the fucker is stuck in snow. I’m thinking snow ups your chances of survival by 10x. BRAINSSSS….not getting no brains mofo if my ass can out run you in the snow.
Also if it was set in a snow theme, everyone would have a shovel…now you have to hope that its one of those good metal shovels, but there’s a lot more “smash the zombie brain in” potential with the regular tools found in snowy climates. A snow plow anyone? That’s right, you see a street full of Zombies, you hop in that snow plow and mow those motherfuckers down.
Damn, Zombies have it rough in the snow. Now is there anything that would benefit the Zombie? Yeah, blood splatter on snow would look totally cool. So if a zombie gets lucky and manages to get you in the snow, your death will look way cooler than any other Zombie kill because of the blood splatter in the snow.
If you find yourself in a Zombie Apocalypse, make your way to Alaska, because not only do they have snow, but they got a crapload of guns.
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]]>- He’s lying because he’s emasculated and knows that you don’t like giving them.
- He’s a psycho – cause, let’s face it, men love blowjobs.
- You’re a psycho and he’s worried about you biting off his dick the next time he pisses you off.
Okay, so now that we have scientifically proven that men love blowjobs, we should discuss the essentials of a good blowjobs and also address some concerns that women may have about putting the cum spewing beast in your mouth.
Pre-Blowjob Conditions:
Here’s some basics to consider before your significant other blows your dick. These rules apply to those women that might be a little squimish or resistant to give a blowjob. If you got yourself a whore, none of these pre-blowjob conditions apply.
- Be clean – that’s right, she’s about to put your dick in her mouth, think about that for a moment and then think…maybe I should shower a little more regularly. I’ve never tasted dick myself, so, I can’t honestly say what the hell it tastes like, but I have eaten plenty of pussy in my life. I have eaten some nasty tasting pussy in my life. Just take this into consideration that if dick is stank you probably won’t get a repeat performance.Also there are flavored oils and things like that so you could add a more pleasant taste. I know, it’s lame, but if my dick has to taste like a strawberry shortcake to get a blowjob, give me that strawberry shortcake and I’ll make it happen.
- Spit or Swallow – You’d think that this would come after the blowjob. Wait, well, it does, but I think this is a concern before a blowjob happens and should be talked about beforehand. I know, when they swallow it feels better, but if they spit it out, I’m not exactly going to care because that means she got me the hell off and I’m 3 minutes away from going to sleep anyway.However, what if she doesn’t want to have it in her mouth at all when you cum? This is fine in my books as well. Let’s face it that not all women are going to be cum guzzling whores. They may not like the taste, may not like the consistency, and I don’t really force the issue. Cum on her tits, face, ass, whatever, at least you got 99% of a blowjob and sometimes that has to be enough.Women though should also realize that jizz will happen. Constantly asking partner if he’s about to cum is lame, kills the mood, just make sure he knows to pull out beforehand if you’re really cumphobic. Also, you don’t have to be so rigid about it. When you see him getting near climax you don’t have to be like, “Get it out of my mouth”…instead start giving him a handjob and tell him to cum all over your face or just talk dirty.
- Finally, if you want blowjobs regularly you might have to (fill in the blank). I know sex shouldn’t be a bargaining tool but it also shouldn’t be one sided. Yes, that means you have to give a crap about pleasing her as well. Does that mean eating pussy? Maybe. Does that mean lots of foreplay? A nice dinner? All that romantic crap women like? Yeah, that’s exactly what it means. Sex is a two way street, I know, I wish it was a one way street and I can get pleasured and go to bed afterwards, but it’s just not like that.Bottomline is you have to make her want to please you and sometimes that means putting a little more effort into it.
Tips for a Perfect Blowjob:
I’m writing this from a male’s perspective, so, women if you’re reading this…this is what feels good or at least what I’ve personally enjoyed:
- Don’t dread it! That’s right, if you’re going to give a blowjob, don’t start off with a negative mind set. If you’re like, “Alright, I’ll give you a blowjob” and you’re kind of like whatever….that just slightly ruins the moment. That’s not to say I wouldn’t cum down your throat anyway, but you’re already there why not make the most of it and make it completely enjoyable.Enjoy the moment, know that you’re making your husband or boyfriend wildly happy. That you’re giving them a pleasure that ranks up there higher than almost anything else. So, go in, be sensual and enjoy it. Even if you’re not particularly fond of the act itself, you can get off on the pleasure you’re giving.
- Don’t be Dry: This is pretty much commonsense here. Just make sure you have enough saliva going and if you don’t you can use an edible lube or even drinks, just make sure your mouth isn’t as dry as the Sahara Desert.
- Teeth or No Teeth: That is the question. Some guys don’t mind it, some even like it, but I’m not one of them and I think I’m pretty much in the majority on this one. Avoid using teeth on most but explore and see if your partner likes it. Generally though make sure your tongue on the bottom is covering your teeth and make sure your upper lip is covering the top. Best way to describe this is when you do an imitation of a toothless old person.
- Use your Hands: Just because you’re using your mouth doesn’t mean you should leave the hands out. Rub the balls (gently, don’t squeeze or you’ll abruptly end that blowjob), rub other parts as well…some like that space between the anus and balls rubbed. Some even like a finger, umm, errr, up the ass (this one though proceed with caution). Also you can switch off from blowjob to handjob if you need to take a breather, but not too long…cause this is a blowjob after all.
- Use your tongue: Okay, this seems like an obvious sorts of thing but use your tongue. Lick the frenulum, glans, use your tongue to stimulate and tease. It’s not just up and down, well, okay sometimes it is, but you can really heighten the pleasure of the moment.
- Eye Contact: If you’ve read this blog at all, you know my favorite blowjob pics have the pornstar looking up and making eye contact. Just a few days ago I was commenting on this picture of Audrey Bitoni blowing a dick and looking upward. It just makes that connection. It’s a small thing, but hey, that’s one way to get a guy to look you in the eyes.
- Deep Throating: This to me is like spit or swallow. If a girl doesn’t have a bad gag reflex and can take you deep, then go for it, if they can’t, it’s just the way it is. Sure they could practice, maybe work on their gag reflex, but I’m personally of the opinion as long as most of my dick gets in the mouth…that’s all good for me.
These are the essentials to a blowjob. There’s many other techniques, tips, tricks you can use. For example, the peppermint swirl, doing a blowjob while sucking on a mint…using ice in your mouth (small amount as it can, umm, cause shrinkage), also food play when it comes to giving a blowjob. That’s right, chocolate body paint, whipped cream, and one of the most unforgettable things I experienced was cheesecake being spread on the shaft and…let’s just say she liked the cheesecake a lot.
What you should take away form this is that sex is fun. Pleasing your partner is one of the most amazing things you can ever do. So, go forth, and do a blowjob. Don’t worry ladies, I’ll be writing an article on the proper way to eat pussy in the near future.
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Now, this topic has been talked about before, hell, I remember having this conversation with friends years ago, but it’s nice to see someone bringing the message to the masses. I hate to say it, but damn is it easy for women to get laid. You could be the ugliest looking beast on the planet, but stay long enough at a bar, some guy is going to want to take you home and fuck you.
This isn’t to put down the sluts, god bless them, I love sluts, and they are wonderful additions to the world. However, you have to give props to the guy that can fuck a lot of women. I’ll admit, I’m not a stud, in my youth, I was doing alright, but I never reached that “stud” status. I’ll just tell you right now, being a stud, too much work for most men.
I’m too lazy to be a stud, I like beer too much, I don’t like working out any more, and honestly, I like watching tv and being a couch potato. That’s right, my lazy side outweighs my desire to be a stud. I think I need more money to compensate, but that’s another post.
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]]>So what does this mean in the grand scheme of it all? That women are way more shallow then men. That’s right, I went there, and I don’t really have to do all that much to prove the point. Ugly guy, boring occupation, but doesn’t have money? No chance of sex ever. Add a little money, he gets it every once and awhile. Add lots of money and he’s got a fucking harem of women like Tiger Woods had.
See, men are pretty simple, basically we want screw any woman. Really, the bar of ugly, rich, famous, hot, not hot, it doesn’t really matter to us when we got a boner and we’re looking for a woman to stick it in. Yeah, some may say that’s wrong, but hey, at least it’s honest.
Women on the flipside are always pulling that romance card on you, that, I love you thing, but really when you get down to it they’re looking for a meal ticket and someone that can provide for their offspring. That’s right…they want welfare, a personal entitlement program that starts with one I DO and ends with, “How much life insurance did he have?”
Am I being too cynical here? Oh sure, maybe love exists, but then you have Tiger Woods, and 10, 12, wait, is it 13 women? That all went with the dude because he’s rich. Wait, make that 14 because Tiger Woods wife married the fugly duckling for the same reason…only she’s going to get a better payout.
As for my take on Tiger Woods, you the MAN!!!!! <—Privately what every single man thinks of Tiger Woods.
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]]>How much sperm does a man produce in his lifetime? A quadrillion. I’m not fucking with you…men produce a quadrillion sperm in their lifetime. Do you think we were meant to fuck one woman that’s squirting out an egg per month and has a limited supply? I’m telling you we’re genetically hardwired to fuck around.
What’s a man to do? What should a woman do to help him? Let’s look at some thinking on the topic:
Let’s look at Religion quickly…wait…I committed adultery every time I looked at and lusted at another woman? Holy heck! Okay let’s not look at religion for the answer because they’re mental. Wait, maybe they got something there, but they didn’t put it exactly right. Out of sight, out of mind? That might have been what they were going for there and hey, in the year 0 that might have worked. It’s not like they had TV, Magazines, Media, and the Internet to offer you all those tasty treats. For that matter, you were probably in some hut somewhere and the only woman available was your wife. Hey, it makes it easy to be monogamous if the only female there is your wife. Wonder if barnyard animals count?
How to be monogamous in a few simple steps:
1. Embrace the lazy part of being a man. That’s right, I embrace it completely, and it helps me be monogamous. Let’s face it, impressing a new bitch is hard work. You have to bathe regularly, they expect gifts, compliments, and they expect you to take them to nice restaurants. Whoa, that’s a lot of work. +1 for Monogamy.
2. Tell your woman what you want. Let’s face it if you’re fucking like a wild junk yard dog all day long, you’ll be well satisfied and won’t need to go searching for more pussy. That’s right, as long as your quadrillion sperm gets released, you’re probably not going to have a wandering eye…one eye. Also, quick note to women: Satisfy your man. If you’re putting out like a nun, then expect to be cheated on.
3. Think about all those nasty diseases you won’t get by fucking one woman.
4. Jerk the gerkin’, beat the bishop, that’s right folks…masturbation. A quadrillion sperm set free still gets set free. I still masturbate regularly. A sexy chick has less appeal if you’ve just jerked off. I promise you…a cheeseburger or a nap looks better than a hot chick if you’ve just jerked off.
5. Love your partner. Ewww, he’s getting all sentimental, but yeah it’s true. Sex is great, it’s a driving force, but so is love. There comes a point in your life that you find that person you want to spend your life with, all the moments, not just the fucking times. That’s right, someday you’ll find the girl that you want to give a quadrillion sperm to. Please note, don’t say, “baby, I want you to have my quadrillion sperm” because that just sounds weird and they’ll feel like a cum bucket.
To answer the question: Are men meant to be monogamous? The answer is no. Can men be monogamous? Yes they can. If you find a man that is faithful to just you, give him a blowjob in appreciation, as they’re fighting natural instinct everyday to be just with you.
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]]>I shouldn’t just say using the saying like it happens randomly every once and awhile. No, some people will say, “Oh God!” around 100 times during sex. It’s this abuse that has led to this article. I’m sorry, you’ve all ruined a good thing by overusing it. Here’s the Top 5 reasons why you shouldn’t.
5. Conformity. That’s right. Conformity. Do you really want to be like every other shmuck that’s fucking and using the term, “Oh GOD!” while doing it?
4. Political Correctness. What if you’re fucking a hindu chick and you scream OH GOD. No, that would just be wrong! I’ve always wanted to scream out OH VISHNU!!!!!! But I’d probably start laughing and it might ruin the fucking mojo if I start screaming OH VISHNU every time it felt good.
3. European Pornstars. That’s right. Let’s blame the Euros! See, I was kind of okay with using, “Oh GOD” during sex until I entered the porn world. I was watching this one video in particular. It starred this amazing looking redhead, nice fake boobs, she was getting fucked nice and hard. Perfect right? It was until she kept saying “Oh GOD” like Arnold FUCKINGSchwazzengger.
It wasn’t her fault. The producers of the film was trying to palm off this beautiful Euro chick as an American. So, they taught her two words to say, and she worked, oh not just once, but repeatedly. I could have tolerated that, but then the euro guy that was fucking her also decided to start yelling OH GOD. Suddenly it was like Hans and Frans fucking.
You don’t want to be like a European pornstar? That’s right, so stop saying Oh GOD!
2. I’m starting to run out of real reasons for not saying Oh God. I think I shot my load on OH Vishnu, Oh GOD that’s cracking me up, oops. So #2 reason is just that I said so. Stop it!
1. Now the #1 reason is about the type of sex you’re having. If you can form words, any words, you are not FUCKING properly! That’s right, if you’re not grunting like some sort of pig at dinner time, you’re just not fucking properly. When you’re in the full swing of sex you should be grinding like some kind of wild animal, you should lose your ability to verbalize, and you shouldn’t be able to form 1 single word.
Oh GOD, should not even be possible say. If you’re able to communicate, you’re not fucking, there’s an amateur video that’s circulating on the porn tube sites. It’s this kind of nerdy guy, fucking some nerdy chick, and they’re having a full conversation as they fuck.
That’s right, I found the 20 minute long video and I’m telling you, watch it, they’re talking too much. You know what though…It all started with OH GOD for this couple. They were probably silent grunt fuckers and then that annoying chick said Oh GOD…then she decided that she should string full sentences together while she’s fucking. NO NO NO Save yourself from the perils of becoming a talker. Stay a grunter! Don’t Verbalize! OH VISHNUUUU!
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]]>be high, stoned, burnt, marleyed, 4:20ed, baked or lifted and talk about pussy, and I am so here goes. Not just any type of pussy but the type of pussy that makes me wonder why. Why do I love pussy so. Why do I love this
particular style of pussy so. Why do I do what I like to do to this type of pussy. I mean it has nothing to do with making a life and has everything to do with just be a animal who loves anything to do with sex. The type of pussy I am referring to can be found on any woman. She does not have to be from say Detroit or anything specific like that. She can be black, white, brown or yellow. She can be tall or short fat or thin. But this type of pussy can only be obtained naturally it cant be weird pump device produced. So seeing that kind of gives it away the type of pussy is of course thick, or full or the phrase I use to save confusion is “Miami”. O.K you see now. A thick pussy, a full not overly worn slightly meaty pussy. Not this crazy mondo pumped up catchers mit from the 1930’s size coochy, just a good hairy or shaved just right sized “Miami”. So these “Miami” pussies I like to suck and lick and munch on and all that type of shit. Why, why do I want to do that, am I just a good dude who is willing to suck a hotty with a nice “Miami” till she has had enough or have girls that I have dated that had nice “Miami’s” just know I liked to suck on them and they were cool like that and let me. Or as Blue eluded to, maybe it is much deeper than that. Whatever the case when women ask me what I like I use to say,” I like them thick” and they would be like “what i’m fat I was at the gym, blah, blah, blah” no that is not what I meant. So now I say I just like them “Miami”!
As you can see both these lovely ladies (Roberta above Heidi below from ATK Hairy & Natural) would fit the “Miami” category. It would be Miami Milfs. Not Milfs from Miami (even though that is possible,but not the case here). Just Milfs that are “Miami”.
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]]>Come on let’s face it, breasts are just fat, you suck on the tit, it’s not like it fucking tastes like cavier or something, it’s like, tastes like skin, maybe if you get this bitch that’s lactating or something but breast milk is kind of nasty anyway, but screw it…put a set of titties in front of me and I’m going suck them like I’m drilling for oil in Alaska.
But when I’m drunk enough, I think, wtf, why is that shit so appealing? Also, it’s so appealing I don’t mind if a woman jacks herself up with pounds of silicon to make fake versions of it. So what’s the deal? It’s genetics? I’m some sort of slob of an animal that I have a pavlovian response to someone shoving a tit at me to suck on?
Fuck yeah. Should I question it? Probably not, but let’s face it, you’re totally fucked if you a male because you got all these genetic triggers for survival that makes you weak and suseptible to all sorts of shenanigans, that’s fucking right, shenanigans.
Months ago I was watching that milk toast of a morning show “The Today Show”….fucking show me the “The Tomorrow Show” and I might be interested in the crap their spewing, but no, I get to learn what’s happening today today…fucking no time machine show for me. Anyway, the show runs this segment on how 80% of women fuck just to get guys to do stuff around the house? WTF I said, and then I thought, fuck that, I’m not bringing out the garbage and see if it buys me a blowjob. Fixing the garage door should get me Anal. Here’s the problem though, that makes me some sort of fucking animal that’s so dependent on my base instincts that I don’t give a shit if the woman really wants to be boned as long as I get some.
Full circle and back to tits. Does some busty bitch pouring milk all over her tits appeal to me? Yeah it does, probably some instinctual urge to get fed from big breasts, but does it always make me feel good that I’m slave to my instincts? Not always, because it means life is just about this genetic instinct to reproduce and survive as a species. It means all the other artificial stuff like love, romance, all that junk is just window dressing for our genetic instinct to breed, which means we’re nothing more than animals that live through urges and die, hopefully successful in propogating the species.
Now here’s some tits for you dirty stinking animals that want your cyber fix of genetic urges.
These are some of the pics that inspired this animalistic posting…that’s right show me those tits so I become an unthinking animal.
Maybe if I wasn’t so shitfaced drunk I would have just whipped the dick out and jacked off. But I’m drunk enough not to be a slave to my urges, that and I already jerked the gerkin earlier today. This hot shit brought to you by twisty…feeding the cyber animal since 1886.
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Sasha takes the two old men challenge
Here she’s takin two dicks for fun.
She's goin the distance, she's goin for speed
Now Sasha’s a bit of a freak in real life, she likes to get choked, slapped, yelled at, gagged, and I think even puked on occasionally. A bit too much for my tastes, but it gives you a very comfortable feeling that if you fuck her, at least you CAN’T break her. Here she’s takin some speed cock, no issues for her of course.
FUMBLE!!!
Now to hook you up with the long movie version. CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD
Spooge dropping from Sasha's Mouth
Video courtesy of SkinVideo.com
Skin Video has 1000s of DVD for under $20.
- Pichunter Models – Sasha Grey
- Sasha Grey’s Twitter on Pichunter Blog
- Pichunter Blog Feature Articles on Sasha Grey
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Alexis Love At Pichunter Models
Alexis Love at Digital Desire!
Alexis Love at Club-Alexis Love
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I am proud to let everyone know, that our newest project – ph.Society , has come out of beta testing today.
It really is just a plugin to our forum , but proved to be very usefull and people are loving it.
There are hundereds of users already participating and showing off their home-made photos.
We have also included a nice rating system, and so far it seems to work great, check out the toplist of hottest photos and see if it really shows the hottest ones.
More and more people are asking for video support, so we have bagan working on that…stay tuned for some home-made videos at Society soon.
So if you still didn’t check it out , head out to society.pichunter.com and see what the hype is all about.
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Look at Those Two Smoking Asses
Definitely Lots of Fun to be Had With These Two!
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The Warskills – The Life and Death of Kitty Pryde ( Free Download Link )
The Warskills – From Only to Lonely ( Free Download Link )
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coming soon!
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]]>If you are not a my.Pichunter registered user yet, this is a great time to do so, because we have removed email confirmation requierement, making the signup proccess even easier! You can register here.
Here is a video presentation:
A screenshot:
..and a link to Widget Page
All comments/ideas/bug reports are very welcome!
Enjoy!
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Try searching for “Sexy Babes”
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